Every year that I’ve been at Drury, Disciples on Campus has hosted a seminar called “How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk,” which is also the name of a book on love and relationships. However, the author changed the title of the book to “How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk” after he realized that most young people aren’t getting married right away (or looking for their “MRS” degree in college). So this year, the seminar became “…Falling in Love…”
Anyway, so I’ve always wanted to go to this thing and I never got to do it, but I finally got to go last Saturday. The seminar included four different speakers, so I learned a lot of great information. I wish there was a way I could cram it all into one blog post, but I don’t want to spoil the whole thing. However, I will offer some tidbits from what I got out of this great presentation, like this…
A “jerk” is more of a masculine term, but it’s not really gender-specific. So, what is a “jerk”?
Well, as Dr. Ty Pierce mentioned, it’s a “single quick motion” according to the dictionary. But, a “jerk” is also these things:
- Someone who persistently resists to change.
- Someone who has little insight into you or how others see you.
- Someone who has poor emotional controls.
- Someone who has inadequate relationship skills.
In addition to defining exactly what a jerk is, I also made note of other interesting ideas about relationships that may be useful for college students to know.
1. As Dr. Rachael Harrington suggests, you should get to know someone for at least three months before getting into a relationship with them.
2. For those of you who plan to get married, premarital counseling is never a bad idea.
3. Couples who are similar to one another tend to last longer in a relationship than those who are opposite. The saying “opposites attract” is true in a way, but it doesn’t quite keep people together.
4. Ed Derr from Drury’s counseling noted that it’s okay to have conversations with your boyfriend or girlfriend about their past. Those conversations can be awkward, but it may give you some clarity for the future.
5. Meleah Spencer, a DU alum, offered that you can’t get to know someone until you talk with them in person. That’s why online relationships typically don’t work out (e.g. Watch “Catfish”).
6. According to Dr. Pierce, “romantic love” lasts for about two years on average. So theoretically, if you want to get married, give it a couple years and then see how you feel.
This seminar lasted for about five hours, but I highly recommend it for anyone who wants to have a healthy relationship. I would go as far to say that this is one of those events at Drury that students need to go to because–who knows–I think all of us can be a little bit of a jerk in some way, but we can learn to change that.